so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
