i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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