sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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