Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
