Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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