Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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