i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
