I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
