4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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