I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
