my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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