Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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