You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
