i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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