i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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