My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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