He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
