He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
