There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
