So drunk its hurt
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i think my cat just said my name.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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