My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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