Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
