I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
