the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
