someone threw a dead crab at me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
