shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
