just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
