I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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