i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
