I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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