i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
