I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
