how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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