Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
