i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
