this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
