you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
