found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
