Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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