i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
