Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
