Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
