Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
