I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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