i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
