well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
