I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
