A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
love makes seman taste better
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
