Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
