From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
