it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
